Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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