You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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