You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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