weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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