Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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