Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
