Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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