Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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