just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
