i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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