It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish you could order shots online.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
