peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
