dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
