life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
