Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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