my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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