it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
