i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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