this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
