Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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