I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
