That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
