i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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