I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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