dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My dick has a subreddit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
