The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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