Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
