he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
