Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
