And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize