I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
