My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
