My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
