I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
