a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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