just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
