I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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