How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize