somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
