i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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