I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
