wat bout pragnant strippers??
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
