So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I want a musical about memes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
