can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
