what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize