She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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