found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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