id be glad to
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
