she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
