Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
