I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
