dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
