My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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