Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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