Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
