Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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