i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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