do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Found the puke drawer
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
