It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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