He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
