Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
