No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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