I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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