Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
