clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
COCAINE IS GR8
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
