I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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