Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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