I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
