Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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