the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
