i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
