i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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