I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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