'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
